alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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