just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
