Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
