I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
