my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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