I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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