How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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