we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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