I can tuck mytits in my pants
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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