fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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