i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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