her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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