Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
