I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
