I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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