I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
