Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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