I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
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Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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