You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
