he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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