I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
