I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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