Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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