My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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