dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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