bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
