he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
