just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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