i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
