I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
