I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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