I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
