He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
