the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
