I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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