And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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