It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
