So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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