How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize