that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
