my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
