NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
