Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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