Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
