Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
