peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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