I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
