So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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