We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
