I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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