Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
