I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
