I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
