when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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