I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
