so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
