There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
from now on my penis is your penis
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
