we have officially lost it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
