This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
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Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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