The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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