Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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