Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
