oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize