Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
