He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
