I love black thongs
ugly people sure do ruin things
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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