I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
