I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it's like heaven, but drunker
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
