I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
