I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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