dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
