i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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