I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
