I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
