If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
