I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
