I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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