This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
