Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
