I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
dude. I can hear the air.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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